REDNECK ROMANCE & RATTLESNAKES

My parents met for the first time way back in 1969 in the great state of Texas. My father--JOE--was born and raised a Texan.

My mother--Linda--on the other hand, was from Michigan.....a Yankee! Despite one being from the North and one from the South, they fell in love. They told me they really liked each other and thought maybe something serious would become of it, but it took awhile before wedding bells could be heard. It took a long while in fact. While mom was in Michigan and dad was in Texas they wrote letters, letters, and more letters. They did this for seven years (now that's a lot of letters).

I found one of those letters once that my dad had sent my mom and just let me say that it was a true redneck love letter. The entire letter was about dogs and cows. Now if that isn't redneck romance I don't know what is. But for some unknown reason my mom must have been turned on by them because she later married him (she probably just got tired of reading about dogs and cows for seven years and decided she might as well live with them).

The marriage ceremony took place in a barn--I am not making this up. I guess mom wanted to make sure dad would feel more at home if he were among animals...... :)

Now the decision of where to live came up. It really wasn't a hard decision to make. Dad couldn't stand the cold and mom had no say so in the matter so they packed mom's stuff and headed for dad's hometown--population: 20. They only lived in "town" for a couple years though and then moved a mile further out (dad couldn't stand all the people in town). They lived in a trailor until a storm blew through and took the trailor with it. After the trailor they moved even further from "town" and had a real house built and to this day that is where they reside.

Now you must understand that moving to Texas was not easy for my mom. Yankees have it easy living up there where it's cold all year round. Believe me they would rather have the snow than what us Texans have down here. For example, us Texans are acquainted with a small but powerful creature called the "Stinging Scorpian." If you've never been stung by one then consider yourself very lucky. If however, you're strange and would like to know what it feels like to be stung by one of the little devils do the following: Take a match or lighter and stick the flame to a part of your body for approximately two minutes. That, my friends, is what it feels like when one of them decides to attack. Now just imagine putting on a pair of pants and getting them all buttoned and suddenly feeling a stinging sensation. I gurantee you there is no way to get those pants off fast enough, but believe me you will try.

Texas is also home to the feared rattlesnake. The rattlesnake, in my opinion, is the worst creature we have. They are Satan--God says so in the Bible. A rattlesnake bite will send you to the hospital, no questions asked. They are probably the most feared animal we have roaming around; however, once a year a "Rattlesnake Roundup" is held. Yes, they roundup rattlesnakes and throw them all into a big pit that is surrounded by glass. And if you ask me the glass is not quite tall enough either.

There is nothing more terrifying than meeting up with one. Especially if you are on foot. Trust me, I have experience in this area. However, if you have wheels or a powerful machine, meeting up with one is not all that scary. I once ran over one with our riding lawn mower. Another time I was using the weed wacker around our house when one popped its head up at me. It sure scared me but I gurantee you that the weed wacker wasn't exactly a welcomed sight to the snake either!